Noel Coward would not believe his ears
I’ve been watching and listening
to the many Republican debates on television in order to try to
take the measure of the man or woman who might possibly be called
upon to lead our country out of the many knotty problems, both foreign
and domestic, it presently faces.
So far, most of the candidates have seemed long
on rhetoric and short on workable ideas. Whether Republican or Democrat,
our campaigns seem to have deteriorated into mud-slinging bouts
... and we’re not even close to election time yet.
However, none of the candidates has shown the consummate
skill of some famous past “insulters” who had mastered the fine
art of the put down. A selection follows, and you, dear reader,
may delight in finding these former sayings are a perfect match
to today’s political figures. I leave you to figure out which fits
who:
-“He is completely unspoiled by failure” — Noel
Coward
-“Don’t look now, there’s one too many in this room
and I think it’s you” — Groucho Marx
-“He can compress the most words into the smallest
idea of any man I know” — Abraham Lincoln
-“Her only flair is in her nostrils” — Pauline Kael
-“He was trying to save both his faces” — John Gunther
-“He is a self-made man and worships his creator”
— John Bright
-“He uses statistics as a drunken man uses lamp-posts;
for support rather than illumination” — Andrew Lang
-“The trouble with her is that she lacks the power
of conversation, but not the power of speech” — George Bernard Shaw
-“He had delusions of adequacy” — Walter Kerr
-“He has all of the virtues I dislike and none of
the vices I admire” — Winston Churchill
-“He has no enemies, but is intensely disliked by
his friends” — Oscar Wilde
-“He has the attention span of a lightning bolt”
— Robert Redford
-“A modest little person with much to be modest
about” — Winston Churchill
-“They never open their mouths without subtracting
from the sum of human knowledge” — Thomas Reed
And to describe how I felt after listening to several
of these lengthy debates, there is no better quote than Groucho
Marx, who once quipped, “I’ve had a perfectly wonderful evening,
but this wasn’t it.”
Just in case, at some future time you find yourself
on the receiving end of an insult, some quick expert’s advice on
how to handle it.
-Don’t react ... keep neutral.
-Ask why they are attacking you.
-If you have unintentionally made a mistake, accept
responsibility for your actions and apologize.
-Anger, hurt and insecurity are at the root of most
insults. Insecure people call attention to the shortcomings of others
in order to cover up their own perceived inadequacies.
-Respond with humor.
-Talk away and let them look bad for stooping to
an insult.
However, if you are like me, you will think of the
perfect comeback at around two in the morning, when it is too late
to do anything about it.
- Article by Jean Cherni, founder of the retirement
advisory service, Senior Living Solutions. Contact her at jeancherni@sbcglobal.net
or 15 The Ponds at Hotchkiss Grove, Branford 06405.
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previous "Senior Moments" articles written by Jean Cherni
please click here.
